hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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