insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize