i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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