New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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