I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
