All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
