Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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