First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
