My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize