My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
