Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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