New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
