well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
