you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
