You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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