and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
