i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
