Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
