Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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