After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
