you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
