I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm gonna have a badass scar
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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