So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
