I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
