I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
