To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Blood and glitter go together right?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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