My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
