im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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