When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
