I want to have your abortion
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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