I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
