Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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