I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
