belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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