They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
