Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
