period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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