i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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