who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
