Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
