We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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