Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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