I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Naked Twister starts at high noon
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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