he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
they need to just BURY HIM!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
