She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize