THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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