Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
