I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
