She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
