I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
