Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize