yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
