Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
