Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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