now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
