Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
