We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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