I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
