Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am puke
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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