I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
