Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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