Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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