why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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